I just slept for 13 straight hours! Didn’t get anything productive done yesterday, but I suppose that’s permissible.
I had a strange dream. Read the bracketed paragraphs if you want to know the nitty-gritty, or just skip ahead 😉
[[A large group of us were orchestrating a mission. Every group member was someone I knew, but for the most part these roles seemed randomly assigned, without relating to their personality at all. The mission was to save humanity from evil Beasties. There was gigantic wall that separated us from them, but there was an opening they came through to get us, a gate. It seemed at times that they were the ones that had built the wall. We did not go to the other side of the wall. L—-‘s mission was to close the gate from the front. But mine was much more important: with an explosion on the Beasties side, I was to seal the gate from the outside, and wipe out as many Beasties as I could. I had to sacrifice my own life to do this, and only I could do it. I woke several times throughout the dream, and built on the dream, adding adventures and explanations.
[[A great subway/metro/underground train was integral to our plans, and all of the hundreds involved in the mission had to ride it to do their job. I got a little disoriented figuring out which direction and stop I was to take, and got off on the wrong side (of the wall? of the city?). This meant we (M— and I) had to run so that we would make it in time. My mom appeared in this section of the dream. Either throughout this section or the previous one (I seem to remember being on the underground train), I exchanged texts with M——. It was the same sort of words we always ended up texting each other when I left him for somewhere else. He said he knew I could “save the world,” my cheerleader as always.
[[As the dream wound to an end, I came up with reasons why it had to be me: I had been raised by the Beasties—I knew how to speak to them—They had implanted a device in me that had controlled me, but now I was free—Or was I? I also devised different endings: It went as planned—It didn’t and the Beasties broke through—The Beasties overwhelmed me and though I didn’t kill them all, the gate closed—I didn’t die, but I survived, and returned, changed.]]
When I woke and recorded the dream, I felt it was a metaphor for my return to China. The impossible-ness of this “mission,” the loss of my “life,” the feeling that it’s something only I can do, and the love and encouragement that I dreamt (and know) I have.
Yesterday I decided that I’m a masochist. When I was in Finland, I ordered a Hot ‘n’ Spicy burger from and Finnish-style American restaurant and smeared my burger with the super spicy sauce so I could get my mouth used to Sichuan food. Then I chose to break in a pair of brand new shoes by wandering around a mall, an airport, and a train station in them for approximately 24 hours. I’m thinking of wearing the other new pair, the killer heels, today to do the same, but only if the blister allows.
The bed in the flat, bless the Chinese, is as hard as a board, but I keep reading in various places that sleeping on your back is better for you (your dermatologist can apparently tell which side of your body you sleep on by looking at your saggy face! It is recommended that you sleep on your back to ensure an even pull of gravity…). I wouldn’t say it was comfy, but it was not unpleasant. Not everything is bad though: the boiler works like a charm so I have hot (very hot!) water on demand, and the air-con is beautiful. It’s on the company’s dime, so I am blasting it shamelessly!
I have to be into work before 9am today. It’s only 6am, and beginning to get light. When I woke up, I felt some depressed thoughts creeping in, lonely thoughts. But there isn’t time for those! The day awaits and there is much to do!
And also, Trees! Trees everywhere! Chengdu is a green city.